Breathing through it

This is an exclusive Observatorium post for members of Pocket Observatory. I share an embarrassing video, talk about funny interactions with my ENT, tell you about a hard thing I am doing this week. Then in a member discussion, I ask you about a hard thing in your week or month and wonder if you'd let me help you face it.

The featured image on this newsletter will make more sense once you watch this ridiculous Instagram reel I posted today. (Prefer to watch on Instagram? Great! Here's the link!)

I am writing to you from my couch, about 25 hours post septoplasty.

My pre-op appointment was pretty hilarious. It fell on the week of my birthday. I told the surgeon, who I like a lot, that I was giving myself a new nose for my 39th birthday. She paused and looked serious, "Just to be clear, this isn't going to change the shape of your nose at all. So if you're thinking...."

I laughed, "Oh no, I meant like ... nose function. I've long made peace with all of this," and then I gestured to my face. I don't think she was trying to be mean about my nose. Which is definitely prominent! She was just managing expectations. Which I appreciate!

I didn't realize I couldn't breathe or smell like most people until my late twenties. I finally went to a doctor about it because of a particularly aggressive yoga instructor. She noticed I was breathing through my mouth during the breathwork portion of the class. She came up close to me, knelt down, and said,

"The way you breathe in matters. Please, breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth. If you cannot breathe well you cannot live well. Let your body work the way it is meant to work."

It was pretty embarrassing! And ableist! I obviously never went back to that studio. The breathing incident is only partly to blame. I always try a yoga studio for about three weeks before dropping out. I usually decide it's time to try yoga again, like two years later.

Anyway, the general practitioner looked up into my nose and confirmed that my body could not work the way it was meant to, it looked had a deviated septum. He couldn't say for sure, so I'd need to go to an ENT. It only took me about seven years to follow through on his suggestion.

When the ENT looked up my nose, she did that whistle that doctors do when they find a particularly challenging case, "Oh yeah. That needs to be addressed. I doubt you can get any air through your left nostril. You've got obstructions on the right side too. You need turbinate reduction on both sides! This significantly impacts your ability to breathe and smell."

I scheduled an appointment for a septoplasty. But had to cancel it at the last minute because I got Covid. I finally got the surgery yesterday, just three years later! I take really good care of myself, obviously.

And today? Well.

I am a little concerned, because my nose is pretty crooked. So maybe the doctor was wrong about it changing the outside of my nose? I don't know.

But I'll take the crookedness if I can finally breathe afterward. Like, that yoga teacher was out of line, obviously. But there is a part of me that wonders how much being able to breathe deeply will change...if not everything...then at least something?

We'll see.

I am working on some great pieces for this space. I'll be covering the invention of no-touch trash cans, Romney's false reckoning and March's best books in upcoming newsletters.

My next breakfast series pieec will officially come out on Thursday. I've been too chicken to post it. It's gonna put me in the crossfires of the tech people currently in charge of financing the creator economy. And I just am a little...burnt out from tussling with more powerful men at this point? So I've put it off again and again.

But I am a woman who is going to be able to breathe in about a month! So what can't I do this week?

I'd love to hear how you're doing. I know we're relearning how to talk to each other in this space. So right now how about this as a prompt?

Hey, do you have to do something hard this week? This month? Share it, big or small, and I'll tell you that you can do it. (Because you can!)

Leave your response in the comments below.